What Kind of Love
The Samaritan woman was going to draw water from the well when she met Jesus. She probably figured when she approached, He would walk away. Or worse, tell her to come back later. She might have figured that not only was she a lowly Samaritan woman in His Jewish eyes, but it would be obvious that she was an outcast even of her own people, since she was drawing water during the day, rather than in the cool of the morning when the rest of the women gathered to draw water and socialize. My guess is, she approached the well with her eyes down, trying to avoid Him. And what did Jesus do? (for He had been waiting for her) He not only spoke to her, but engaged her in conversation, and then, as if that wasn't enough, He told her everything about her with total accuracy, and instead of condemning her, He gave her the awesome privilege of revealing Himself as Messiah! When she encountered Jesus, she encountered Love.
As I sat in Sunday school one morning as the class discussed this scenario, I was unusually quiet. What could I say? The people in this class could talk the talk, but none of them had any idea what it was to be this woman. I know, because they shared testimonies about how blessed they were to be married and not to have ever walked such a road. It became painfully evident to me that I was the only single person in the class that day. And I found myself wondering what they'd think if they knew my story.
I first encountered Jesus when I was 7. I believe He took a hold of my hand at such a young age because He knew I was in for some difficult times in life, (my parents were not Christians) and He wasn't about to let the enemy snatch me (my brother practiced the occult). And despite some pretty valiant attempts by that enemy, I sought after the Lord with my whole heart more often than not, and I was what you'd call a "good" girl, that is, until I was 21, and I was a victim of date rape in a college dorm. It became my "secret" for over five years. (I lied and said the bruises were from a bike accident). I still prayed to God, but I also didn't really trust Him with my life any more, and I took matters into my own hands. Since I was no longer a virgin, I felt ruined. I had struggled with feeling ugly and unworthy all my life. I had been touched inappropriately when I was a teen, (and dealt with constant sexual propositions and pressure to comply, but I would run away or get into a fight over it). I was led to feel I would only be 'useful' to a 'bad' guy. Now I was certain it was true, and that no godly man would ever want me. If all I was good for was sex and I'd never be loved, I decided I might as well enjoy it, so I plunged into a secret lifestyle of dating 'bad' boys, which included having sex. But I still maintained the "good" girl image, especially at church. No one who knew me would have ever suspected. I turned down dates with church going guys because I knew eventually we'd have "the conversation" that would end it all, and then 'everyone' would know.
I brought a world of hurt upon myself. I desperately wanted a marriage that was a reflection of God's love for us, but I settled for less because I thought I was undeserving - 'used' merchandise who would never know real love. Because of my poor decisions, I found out first-hand how cruel adultery and abuse were (as a recipient, not as a doer), and then how hard it was to be a divorced, single mom. I attended a big church with a singles program. Despite outward politeness, we were still the 'outcasts' of the church to most people. They might not admit it, but honestly, when it came down to it, certain "things" were different when it came to us. (yeah, them and us are purposeful statements because that was the reality). The worship team prayed for a long while to consider letting a woman getting a divorce join the team. I had to "prove" myself for a year before I was allowed to sing solos. Then there were the guys I dated from the singles group. Most of them wanted to have sex sooner or later. I wanted to get my life right with God. That meant giving control back to Him, come to the place of healing and rest, and start obeying His Word. I remember walking away from sin and embracing Jesus.
Now I come to the story of the woman who washed Jesus feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. The whole ordeal is but a few sentences of the Bible, but the fact that it is in there at all means it is significant, and for me, it is profoundly moving. No one dreams of becoming a whore when they grow up (and why do we call women whores but men-whores are called 'players'? Why was the woman caught in adultery brought before Jesus for judgment but the man was left un-accused?). Life is unfair and life is cruel. In Jesus' day, a woman had limited options and opportunities. Prostitution or co-habitation were the only means of survival some women could find who were widowed or sold into slavery or given by their parents as temple prostitutes, etc. Jesus showed this woman a better way, and being forgiven much, she worshipped Him as her tears fell so sweetly on His feet. You know the men there said if Jesus knew what 'sort' of woman she was, He'd have nothing to do with her, but He rebuked them and embraced her worship as one of His children. I just cannot get over that kind of Love!
That kind of Love transforms a person from the inside out. That kind of Love went to the cross and bore the shame and cruelty for my sin. That kind of Love not only knows my name, but beckons me by it. That kind of Love gives me hope. That kind of Love heals me and makes me whole. That kind of Love redeems me and makes me pure, as if the past never happened.
I recently encountered the prejudice of people in the 'church' against divorce. Some do not even recognize they have this prejudice, but their actions speak volumes. I was wounded deeply. I considered leaving this church body, but I feel like God told me to stay for the moment. The people who acted in ways that wounded me do not even see their 'privileged' attitude towards me. Trying to lovingly confront it only made matters worse. These people have no idea of the pain and suffering endured for years, while praying for a miracle that was never going to happen. I could say lots here, but to sum it up, many don't have a clue how absolutely blessed they are.
Now we are all broken, messed-up people; some have bigger secrets than others, and God is no respecter of sin or of people. We really need to learn to love each other. The church is not about coming to a building to sing and hear a sermon – it is about embracing our family who are hurting or lost or in need. God has given me a gift for teaching. Sometimes when people find out I am divorced, they decide that what I have to say is of no value anymore, like the truth is tarnished by my past, despite that when I told God if He would hold on to me, I would walk a pure life, no matter what, and I meant it, and I have not fallen (it has been years). I just think, you who are without sin may cast the first stone and I will receive it. Thing is, the One without sin embraced me with His radical, redeeming Love, and now He has given me a ministry to hurting people like youth from broken homes.
So back to the woman at the well. I know her story way too well, and the woman who fell at Jesus feet to worship Him with her sweet tears of brokenness and thanksgiving and love. I hate it that I understand a piece of them, but I am so grateful that He understands us all, and Loves us anyway. I am not the woman I was, because of His Love. Now, I only date men who are on the same spiritual page as I am, which means I say no a lot, but that's okay, I am trusting God to write my love story. He will have to bring me a man who will love me for who I am today in Jesus. A friend pointed out to me that because I am not remarried and not even dating at the moment, that in some people's minds I am probably looked upon (subconsciously) as someone who must be pretty difficult to live with or I'd not be alone. The truth is, I have chosen to be selective and never again compromise. I am trusting the "LOVE of my life" to bring me to the "Love of my life" and that means being patient until He orchestrates it.
Recently as I pondered the woman washing Jesus' feet with her tears and the woman at the well, and my own life, He gave me the words to What Kind of Love. Then He gave me the music, and the story here, is that I have not played piano for ~ 20 years because as soon as I had learned the basics of piano, I had nerve damage in my right hand from cutting a nerve in an accident. In time I had much healing and my brain figured out how to compensate where there was not healing, and though I did most things I had done before the injury, I never returned to the piano. I thought about it, but always had excuses. Then I knew someone who had a hand injury that could potentially limit his ability to play guitar and he does it for a living. As I prayed for healing, or for grace to be sufficient if God chose to Glorify Himself through not healing, I became convicted of my excuses. So when God gave me the music for this song, it was on the condition that it was piano music. The first recording is very basic because it is what God gave me after a week of playing piano after ~20 years. I expect it is just the beginning of a chapter in my journey...
What Kind of Love
They said if You knew me
You would walk away...
But when You looked into my eyes
You saw beyond my disguise
And much to their surprise...
You Loved me!
What kind of Love is this?
That sees beyond the shame
Calls to me by name
Transforms me from within
Gives me hope again
Now I'll never be the same!
You welcomed my tears so sweet
As they fell to wash Your feet
And as I dried them with my hair
With tenderness and care
You took me in Your arms
And called me child!
What kind of Love is this?
That sees beyond the shame
Calls to me by name
Transforms me from within
Gives me hope again
Now I'll never be the same!
A Love that saved my soul
A Love that made me whole
Required sacrifice
To make things right...
They nailed You to a tree
To die at Calvary
To pay a debt for me
To set the captives free
You conquered death and sin
When You rose again!
What kind of Love is this?
That sees beyond the shame
Calls to me by name
Transforms me from within
Gives me hope again
Now I'll never be the same!
Jesus! Since You came...
I will never be the same!
(c) Shirley Lewis 2007
As I sat in Sunday school one morning as the class discussed this scenario, I was unusually quiet. What could I say? The people in this class could talk the talk, but none of them had any idea what it was to be this woman. I know, because they shared testimonies about how blessed they were to be married and not to have ever walked such a road. It became painfully evident to me that I was the only single person in the class that day. And I found myself wondering what they'd think if they knew my story.
I first encountered Jesus when I was 7. I believe He took a hold of my hand at such a young age because He knew I was in for some difficult times in life, (my parents were not Christians) and He wasn't about to let the enemy snatch me (my brother practiced the occult). And despite some pretty valiant attempts by that enemy, I sought after the Lord with my whole heart more often than not, and I was what you'd call a "good" girl, that is, until I was 21, and I was a victim of date rape in a college dorm. It became my "secret" for over five years. (I lied and said the bruises were from a bike accident). I still prayed to God, but I also didn't really trust Him with my life any more, and I took matters into my own hands. Since I was no longer a virgin, I felt ruined. I had struggled with feeling ugly and unworthy all my life. I had been touched inappropriately when I was a teen, (and dealt with constant sexual propositions and pressure to comply, but I would run away or get into a fight over it). I was led to feel I would only be 'useful' to a 'bad' guy. Now I was certain it was true, and that no godly man would ever want me. If all I was good for was sex and I'd never be loved, I decided I might as well enjoy it, so I plunged into a secret lifestyle of dating 'bad' boys, which included having sex. But I still maintained the "good" girl image, especially at church. No one who knew me would have ever suspected. I turned down dates with church going guys because I knew eventually we'd have "the conversation" that would end it all, and then 'everyone' would know.
I brought a world of hurt upon myself. I desperately wanted a marriage that was a reflection of God's love for us, but I settled for less because I thought I was undeserving - 'used' merchandise who would never know real love. Because of my poor decisions, I found out first-hand how cruel adultery and abuse were (as a recipient, not as a doer), and then how hard it was to be a divorced, single mom. I attended a big church with a singles program. Despite outward politeness, we were still the 'outcasts' of the church to most people. They might not admit it, but honestly, when it came down to it, certain "things" were different when it came to us. (yeah, them and us are purposeful statements because that was the reality). The worship team prayed for a long while to consider letting a woman getting a divorce join the team. I had to "prove" myself for a year before I was allowed to sing solos. Then there were the guys I dated from the singles group. Most of them wanted to have sex sooner or later. I wanted to get my life right with God. That meant giving control back to Him, come to the place of healing and rest, and start obeying His Word. I remember walking away from sin and embracing Jesus.
Now I come to the story of the woman who washed Jesus feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. The whole ordeal is but a few sentences of the Bible, but the fact that it is in there at all means it is significant, and for me, it is profoundly moving. No one dreams of becoming a whore when they grow up (and why do we call women whores but men-whores are called 'players'? Why was the woman caught in adultery brought before Jesus for judgment but the man was left un-accused?). Life is unfair and life is cruel. In Jesus' day, a woman had limited options and opportunities. Prostitution or co-habitation were the only means of survival some women could find who were widowed or sold into slavery or given by their parents as temple prostitutes, etc. Jesus showed this woman a better way, and being forgiven much, she worshipped Him as her tears fell so sweetly on His feet. You know the men there said if Jesus knew what 'sort' of woman she was, He'd have nothing to do with her, but He rebuked them and embraced her worship as one of His children. I just cannot get over that kind of Love!
That kind of Love transforms a person from the inside out. That kind of Love went to the cross and bore the shame and cruelty for my sin. That kind of Love not only knows my name, but beckons me by it. That kind of Love gives me hope. That kind of Love heals me and makes me whole. That kind of Love redeems me and makes me pure, as if the past never happened.
I recently encountered the prejudice of people in the 'church' against divorce. Some do not even recognize they have this prejudice, but their actions speak volumes. I was wounded deeply. I considered leaving this church body, but I feel like God told me to stay for the moment. The people who acted in ways that wounded me do not even see their 'privileged' attitude towards me. Trying to lovingly confront it only made matters worse. These people have no idea of the pain and suffering endured for years, while praying for a miracle that was never going to happen. I could say lots here, but to sum it up, many don't have a clue how absolutely blessed they are.
Now we are all broken, messed-up people; some have bigger secrets than others, and God is no respecter of sin or of people. We really need to learn to love each other. The church is not about coming to a building to sing and hear a sermon – it is about embracing our family who are hurting or lost or in need. God has given me a gift for teaching. Sometimes when people find out I am divorced, they decide that what I have to say is of no value anymore, like the truth is tarnished by my past, despite that when I told God if He would hold on to me, I would walk a pure life, no matter what, and I meant it, and I have not fallen (it has been years). I just think, you who are without sin may cast the first stone and I will receive it. Thing is, the One without sin embraced me with His radical, redeeming Love, and now He has given me a ministry to hurting people like youth from broken homes.
So back to the woman at the well. I know her story way too well, and the woman who fell at Jesus feet to worship Him with her sweet tears of brokenness and thanksgiving and love. I hate it that I understand a piece of them, but I am so grateful that He understands us all, and Loves us anyway. I am not the woman I was, because of His Love. Now, I only date men who are on the same spiritual page as I am, which means I say no a lot, but that's okay, I am trusting God to write my love story. He will have to bring me a man who will love me for who I am today in Jesus. A friend pointed out to me that because I am not remarried and not even dating at the moment, that in some people's minds I am probably looked upon (subconsciously) as someone who must be pretty difficult to live with or I'd not be alone. The truth is, I have chosen to be selective and never again compromise. I am trusting the "LOVE of my life" to bring me to the "Love of my life" and that means being patient until He orchestrates it.
Recently as I pondered the woman washing Jesus' feet with her tears and the woman at the well, and my own life, He gave me the words to What Kind of Love. Then He gave me the music, and the story here, is that I have not played piano for ~ 20 years because as soon as I had learned the basics of piano, I had nerve damage in my right hand from cutting a nerve in an accident. In time I had much healing and my brain figured out how to compensate where there was not healing, and though I did most things I had done before the injury, I never returned to the piano. I thought about it, but always had excuses. Then I knew someone who had a hand injury that could potentially limit his ability to play guitar and he does it for a living. As I prayed for healing, or for grace to be sufficient if God chose to Glorify Himself through not healing, I became convicted of my excuses. So when God gave me the music for this song, it was on the condition that it was piano music. The first recording is very basic because it is what God gave me after a week of playing piano after ~20 years. I expect it is just the beginning of a chapter in my journey...
What Kind of Love
They said if You knew me
You would walk away...
But when You looked into my eyes
You saw beyond my disguise
And much to their surprise...
You Loved me!
What kind of Love is this?
That sees beyond the shame
Calls to me by name
Transforms me from within
Gives me hope again
Now I'll never be the same!
You welcomed my tears so sweet
As they fell to wash Your feet
And as I dried them with my hair
With tenderness and care
You took me in Your arms
And called me child!
What kind of Love is this?
That sees beyond the shame
Calls to me by name
Transforms me from within
Gives me hope again
Now I'll never be the same!
A Love that saved my soul
A Love that made me whole
Required sacrifice
To make things right...
They nailed You to a tree
To die at Calvary
To pay a debt for me
To set the captives free
You conquered death and sin
When You rose again!
What kind of Love is this?
That sees beyond the shame
Calls to me by name
Transforms me from within
Gives me hope again
Now I'll never be the same!
Jesus! Since You came...
I will never be the same!
(c) Shirley Lewis 2007
posted by Shirley @ 1:24 PM
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